On my refrigerator is a not that says "Isn't It Nice?" It is written in a multitude of colours, a rainbow of lettering. It's purpose is to remind me of two things.
First is the thought that right now, right here, passing by the refrig and spying the note on my way to do something else, it is really a nice moment. Current time. Guilt is time wasted on the past. Worry is time wasted on the future. Gotta stay in current time.
The second thought is a reminder to pay attention to all the wonders around me, from a favorite bird searching for me to ask for peanuts to a rare rainbow or a daily sunset.
If you are totally out of control, so lost you simply cannot function, the first thing you need to do is hold still. Breathe. Focus on anything positive until you are calm, a picture of your children, a loving animal, a view of the outside world. Do not go any further until you have a good solid grasp on current time. In order to proceed doing anything, the only way to go is in current time. Do not focus on what happened this morning, don't focus on what you fear will happen tonight, but here, right now, sitting at the computer, reading what this weird woman from California wrote. When you are done reading, then go on to something else, IN CURRENT TIME and don't spend any more time thinking, "That woman has no idea what she is talking about." You already decided that, so move on.
Most people who have learned this concept understand it still go along their way, forgetting it until the next time they need it, maybe long after they need the thought. It's a difficult task to stay in current time 24/7, and probably not as neccessary as returning to it when strife runs amouk.
Then you have to practise staying in current time, keeping the precious lessons you have learned in your life, every day. It's rather like church. The entire purpose of a church (from my point of view) is getting a regular exposure to others who believe as you do, which keeps you strong in what you believe, despite the ever constant onslaught of people, events, things or thoughts that could deter you from your path. Over the years and many "Sunday morning stands", I have searched in vain for a church I would return to. As a result, I have developed my own church in my own heart, with my own beliefs, and I can attend any time I want or need to, day or night, Sunday through Saturday. I surround myself with friends, and r'eal people' who think the same way I do. The one drawback is that it does not give me an ongoing, periodical comraderie surrounded by others who have similar beliefs or thoughts. While churches may include a variety of negative aspects, it also acts as a reminder of issues we want reinforced in our lives, and numerous opportunities to be helped by others, as well as assisting others should the occasion arise. Learning, growing and passing what we have learned is included in my life's most important task list.
Two schools of thought, EST and Scientology made a good point back when, and I have remembered them for many years. Once you have managed to achieve a logical stance, within the confines of their classes, you leave the building and go about your life. You recently learned that you are the most important factor in your life, and that the rest of the world is something you chose to want or include in your space, opposed to needing or depending on in order to survive.
The first song you hear is "I Can't Live Without You" from your car radio. It is small thing, maybe it goes un-noticed. But then there is another normal world influence, it's basis is completely against the logic and self responsibility you fought so hard to understand and adapt in your life and thinking. If you start looking around, you will see them everywhere.Once you leave the safety of those who think as you do, the re-inforcement of positive, healthy, responsible, attitudes, no wonder we slide back to what took us on our journey to repair our lives in the first place.
I have always had a theory that we are all dominoes. If I have a nasty attitude, and pass it on to you, you in turn, will affect someone else in your life negatively. And so on and so on. If I run into someone who is grouchy, I chose to smile and treat them in such a way that perhaps their negativity will dissolve, changing their day's dominoes to positive.
I have this grand and probably unrealisitic vision of positive attitudes taking over the world someday, one person, one attitude, one moment at a time. What I never took a look at is that the world has as many active negative dominoes as there are positives. No wonder my task seems fruitless somedays. The negative might be mulitplying as fast I can smile, but it also serves to make me smile faster, suffocate my negative days and never give up.
One more additional thought. It took how many years for us to develop our fears, illogical habits and addictions? Once we can see how these are not benefits, and then learn some lessons to get us back on our paths, trying to stay in current time, time passes and we fall, frustrated that we did not keep to that new path. Since it took years to learn our negative behaviour, and it might very well take years to unlearn. We just have to fall, realize we fell, get back up and try it again.
Return to Parenting Main Page Return to Inside Anne Return to Packrat Main Page