My daughter, along with hundreds of other girls her age is thinking about just how, when, where and who she will lose her virginity to. Ye gads and little fishes. She is ONLY fifteen, sixteen in a few months. Needless to say, this has brought on a great deal of thought.
Being raised with very little advice offered beyond "Thou hall not' I would suppose my mother felt inadequate in this area, so I became bound and determined not to be.
My daughter was raised with as much worldly wisdom as she could or would absorb, yet nearly not as much as I wish to give. Probably standard. Her friends consider me to be one the rare, 'cool' moms, and fear my disapproval, so I must have done something right. Her grades are far from perfect. Heck, they aren't even all 'satisfactory' and her room is a blatant disaster. Expensive sweaters are tread on, lipsticks lost to a mischievous ever-chewing dog, chores are rarely done without continual reminders and she can be as rude, thoughtless and disrespectful as most girls her age. She was a Girl Scout in her younger years, is just below cheerleader status in popularity, she has never been sent to the principal's office and is firm that her boyfriends must be drug and cigarette free. We still cuddle and talk way into the night, and I trust her 99 percent of the time. Shopping with her can be a real chore, but karma will pay her back for that one. All in all, I would not dream of trading her in.
So, you are thinking of losing your virginity. Hmmm.....
She has been schooled in teen pregnancy, STD's, and AIDS. Specializing in child care, she sees the effects every day in the teen mother day care where she works. She has been schooled in the threshold you cross, never to return, regarding this decision. She knows my thoughts on it, my own experience and every other topic you can imagine regarding the subject.
She has 'dated' a variety of boys, with, prior to this dilemma, only one of significant affection or endurance. The casual boyfriend, or undesirable boyfriends, have come and gone, thankfully, and quickly. When her latest appeared, there were instant, obvious differences. First of all, I liked him. Immediately. He is a gentleman, really and truly nice, intelligent, polite, yummy, mature, funny, and simply normal. I would have killed for him in high school. If she is with him, I am not worried about if she is safe or where she is. As much.
So, give my blessing?
I would prefer she wait as I honestly do not believe she is of a maturity level that should accompany this level of intimacy. If I disagree with her decision, chances it won't make any real difference despite her understanding my stance. She will do what she feels is right for her as she's certainly been bought up to do just that. Since I don't wish her to have a 'back seat" paranoid first time experience, I can only hope they have the time and space and the wisdom and opportunity to find it. Just as if she had chosen to smoke dope or drink, I would prefer her be comfortable at home opposed to being out on the streets and vulnerable.
I am comfortable that she made this decision without peer pressure being a factor. She stood quickly and easily playing "Truth or Dare" to discover only herself and one other girl on the virgin side of the room. Our conversations assured me she really does not mind that fact, and her original plans were to remain a virgin until she married. I secretly knew this would not be true, but I had hoped this subject would not come up for another few years.
One of the largest topics have been what world she is stepping into. This is an adult world, making love. If you want to enter that world, there are many responsibilities that go with it. Under the best circumstances, the idea is to be comfortably and happily married, and THEN be in a position where a pregnancy, even a 'mistake' is welcome. A family situation is the only way to raise a child so the child is in a proper, safe, warm, loving environment.Our Maker designed families this way, with two parents, for a reason. Opening up even the slightest possibility of a baby at any other stage in life is sad beyond description. My son is a one percent baby. My son had a teenaged 'mistake' baby and he and his girlfriend weren't completely solid within their relationship, making the baby's life rocky from the start.
So, I gave her my blessing.
I reiterated on, pregnancy, lets not make this a steady activity:, you are not married, don't even think of it when we are home, last but not least, if you feel you are mature enough to handle this, then you are also mature enough to improve in other areas. Clean your ROOM!
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