Touching other people is a grand subject. The world can be divided into touchers, non-touchers and un-decided, who can also be called 'unaware.'
Take my family (please?). We were simply not huggers, but I have always been a toucher. Keep in mind I grew up in the sixties, with love and peace abound. Yet when it came to my parents and siblings, it was a passing "Hi" and a handwave. Somewhere along the line, perhaps when I lived miles from my parents and visits became semi yearly, we started hugging upon arrival. Yet, one sister remained a non-hugger. My daughter received a hug from her this last year and immediately came to find me and whisper in my ear about it. I almost went into shock. I immediately found and told my other sister and we went into hysterics, giggling and hugging like we always do. Even phone calls with her can be painful from laughing. Another subject for another day.
I did learn at an reasonably early age who you can touch and who you can't. It's fairly easy to spot those who do not like their space invaded, and that's ok. I don't like my face touched for some reason, especially if you are covering my eyes. It must have something to do with my childhood. I turned my no-affection-in-public boyfriend into a toucher and continued to hug all my good friends hello and goodbye. Then I met someone that was touchier than I am (and someone I was a bit cautious of) and I got uncomfy. Funny world, huh?
What started this subject was the other day when my love and I were cuddling after a particularly intense intimate morning, and he stroked my hair lovingly. I melted. On the spot. My best friend in high school used to brush each other's hair. Purrr......When my daughter comes to me with her little baby face (she's seventeen this month) and begs me to "Pet me, mommy, pet me" in that little, sweet syrupy voice, I melt. Then I follow her to her room while she lies down smiling, snuggled deep in her blankets and I sit alongside her and 'pet' her forehead, her temples, her hair and her face until she is sleepy. Heaven.
I know perfectly well I have hinted to my love in the past that I absolutely love my hair to be petted or brushed. Until the other day, he never did it. Why this day I will never know, and I could care less, as long as he does it again. While I lay there being petted, absorbing each and every nano second of time, each stroke, the warmth, tenderness, the phenomenal wonderfulness of the entire event, I realized something rather amazing.
I can tell you to touch me here, there, this way, like this. I can also demonstrate to you the exact touch I would like by touching you in the exact manner I would like to be touched. (Note that people will usually touch others in the manner in which they prefer to be touched. Someone who would like a very firm massage of the neck will massage others very firmly, etc). When you touch me in the way I have asked, you are touching me in order to please me.
However, if you touch me in order to please yourself, it is an entirely different touch and much more sensual. As long as it is within the realm of my desired method of touching (soft or sensual opposed to violent or rough) it is incredibly pleasing to me and undoubtedly to the toucher.
Remember the first time you and a date/mate/lover touched? OMG. We were sooo eager to know the feel of that person, not just because they wanted us to touch them (which they did, of course) but because WE wanted to find out what it was like to touch THEM. We wanted, needed to explore them, every crevasse, every plane. Such an entirely different touch. Much more exciting to both people, I assure you. Even to touch your daughter's cheek in passing, the hug of a friend, the caress down the back of a pet, to touch to feel, really feel, is something that can't be beat.
The next time you touch someone........
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