When IS it time to move on?
Decisions, decisions. So many factors, so many people affected. What if? Or can I?
Everything in life has a price. Sad old story but it's terribly, terribly true. What kind of price are you paying to stay, and what kind of a price will you pay to leave?
Take a relationship. Or a job. No one is perfect, no relationship is perfect. Some come quite close, others aren't even a close guess. Some people STAY in those relationships, too, so someone is getting what they need somewhere, and paying for the rest.
After a very icky pooh divorce (which I swore would never happen) I have a new hindsight and vision on what it takes to keep a relationship together and a new peek about when it's time to go.
My fifteen year old daughter was having a hard time deciding whether or not she should break up with her current boyfriend, number six. Or was it seven? I am not going to start a dissertation on what constitutes "going together" these days, but it is fairly the same as our "going steady" except your mate is subject to change. Daily. Talk about peer pressure!
I asked her to put him out of her head for five minutes and make me three
What did she absolutely MUST have in a boyfriend?
What did she absolutely REFUSE to have in a boyfriend?
What aspects are negotiable?
Interesting. What came out under the first list were things like he must be older than she is (she qualified this, up to 12 months older is ok), he must be school spirited, he must be "normal" and he must be kind and sweet. Oh, and he must be a virgin. <smile> He must NOT be involved in drugs, gangs, or smoke, or be too grabby or jealous. Negotiable covered how many times he called a day, if he went to church, made good grades, and something else I can't remember.
We took the list, and checked off what applied to her boyfriend. He didn't do to well. I told her the design of the lists were to establish the difference between what she will deal with and what she won't. He wasn't school spirited, and she felt she could live with that. Into the negotiable list. He is way too grabby? Can you live with that? No? Hmmm......
Let's get to the bottom line. You have areas of give and take. If your original give line is at 50% and you find you must adapt to 70%, try it. As long as you are willing to work within those parameters, so be it. If you find 70% is not enough, and you are willing to expand it to 80%, try it on for size. At some point, you are going to hit your limit doing more than your share of giving in order to make the relationship work. If your final line is at 80% and if that's not working, it's time for some serious adjustments, or it's time to go.
We all have our lines, we all have our limits. Not one other person call tell you it's time to go. Only you can decide when that it, NO ONE else. And, when it's time, it's time. Not a minute before that. If you are asking, "Is it time?" then it probably isn't. If you are saying, "It's time!" well, then......it IS time.
BUT try to keep your line. I have thought and written volumes on letting that line go and letting it get out of hand. Pull back your line to where you started. It was a solid line once, right? Are the reasons you let it stretch valid or were you giving in to make things easier? Things aren't always fair or easy. "Fair is not found in nature, it was invented by women and children." I wish I knew who said that. Easy doesn't mean right. Tough things are tough for a reason.
Make three lists. What do you ABSOLUTELY want, what do you absolutely NOT want and what is negotiable? Work from there.
Oh, and by the way, my daughter broke up with him.
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