I had no idea sex could be so good in my fifties! No idea what so ever. I look back at the last fourty years and laugh at what I THOUGHT was good sex. Yeah, yeah, good sex is great, bad sex is still good. Great sex is fantastic! I hope it is not as rare as I suspect it is, at least in permanent relationships.
At a young age, I wanted to learn to become a gisha. To this day, I am not sure I can describe why, or what I was feeling. The best I can do is to say that I wanted the ability to completely, totally please a man, from food to sex, artfully. It served me extremely well, and I never regretted anything I learned. In my young, single days I had more boyfriends than I cared to count. My parents, hopefully never suspecting exactly why this was so, shook their heads and knew (or prayed) someday I would settle down. After a late marriage, two children and a divorce, I met a widower who had a completely new view point on life, having lost his beloved wife to cancer. Six years later, our love, sex, commitment, devotion, affection and caring are running as strong as they ever have.
His desire to please me in one of the largest factors. Karma comes back to me at long, long last! He is a true cuddler, which didn't hurt us at all. I finally worked through the barrier I held for so long, told him what he could do to please me, talked him through it, showed him, and was well rewarded by a man who has an intense desire to continue expanding our love making. I watch my daughter in her first serious relationship and wish she knew just half of what I know now.
Planned love making sessions are a spectacular event. Sometimes we are at home, alone, and other times we have taken off on one of our notorious road trips, parked in a San Francisco hotel for the weekend. If the truth be known, we still joke about getting kicked out of the first motel room we checked into, and while it isn't exactly true, it is fairly close. We were a bit embarrassed later by the looks of the other travelers. We promptly nicknamed ourselves "O'Anne and O'Dave" which was immediately made into a bumper sticker for the car. Explaining that one to the kids gracefully took some creative imagination! The first weekend in San Francisco was spent entirely in the room, excluding venturing out for food. We finally evolved to less time spent in bed and more time wandering the streets, but love making is still a priority.
I have a 'trip bag' which goes with us everywhere, and contains the following items: candles and candle bases, incense and burner, real matches, romantic cd's, special body lotions, special drinking glasses, and special, silky lounge wear for both of us. I am sure that this list might seem mild to some, but it's all we need, and each item is important to us. Make your own bag! Use it at home, too.
If you are not travelers, home is just as perfect. Make a nest, a special place for lovemaking. Plan a night.
If you have kids, get rid of them. Bribery, talk to their friend's mother, send them off to visit their grandparents, summer camp, what ever works.
Learn everything you can about sex. Now that this is not such a taboo subject, there are a lot of great instructional books out there. "Pillow" books are wonderous to read together, lying on the bed during a leisurely evening home, alone.
Tell your spouse you would like to have a special night together on Friday, but tell him on Monday so he has all week to get himself worked up thinking about it. OR, as long as you are sure it will be a good night to do it, surprise him when he comes home.
Have him come home to the note on the front door that says "Baby, hang up your coat." At the coat closet, he sees "Go the frig" and there he finds his favorite drink and "Come on upstairs to the bathroom" where he finds you in a hot, sudsy bubble bath.
Find out what one of his fantasties are. My mate is heavily turned on my sheer fabric. That was a good thing to find out.
Have a willingly compliant mate? Greet him in the sexiest thing you can find in the stores, just make sure that your appearance designed strictly for him. From the moment he walks in the door, let him do nothing for himself. Put his briefcase down, hang up his jacket, make him his drink. If he is protesting, put on your best pouty lip and ask him to indulge you by letting you take him through the planned evening. Have the table set, the food waiting and hot. If it is too early for dinner, listen to music and talk together something comfy, move him into the kitchen to watch you finish the dinner preparations later.
If you are not a chef, buy Kentucky Fried Chicken and place the food in your own serving dishes. Keep the meal light, as there is nothing that discourages physical activity like a full stomach. Sit immediately next to each other, or across a very small table from each other. Candles are lit, soft music plays. Sit him down, let him watch you bring the food out from the kitchen, gracefully, quietly. Before you take a bite, before he takes a bite, give him a bite from your plate, feed him one bite, ever so slowly and excruding sex. Sneak in another bite from time to time, too. After dinner, after sitting for a few minutes to digest it and smoke or sip a drink, get up, refresh your drinks (put them in the bedroom), return to the table to take his hand and walk him to the bedroom.
The bedroom (and bathroom) decor is more important than most people think. Drape yards and yards of sheer fabric over the bed, hang it from the ceiling (staples work just fine in a pinch) to half hide the bed. Select a sexy comforter next time you are replacing your sheets. Add lots of pillows on the bed. Music, a telly or a cd player in the bedroom are musts. Candles, candles, candles. Just one candle has a certain affect, a wall of them is grand too, depending on your mood.
I like to take a side tour to the shower at this point. We have always showered together, something I never knew could be so grand. Have spanky clean plush towels waiting. Undress your love, climb in together, and wash your love completely, making sure you massage him a bit, tease him a bit (appearing to be totally unintentional) and finally rinse him thorougly. Towel dry him off, dress him in a skimpy thing, put on a skimpy thing, take him back to the bedroom. Naked has its place, but leaving a bit of something to the imagination (food for anticipation) is highly recommended.
Make love. Make it last for hours.
Rub him down with oil and give him a light massage. Give him a foot rub, and a hand rub.
Sit cross legged on the bed facing each other and talk while your hands wander gently around his body.
Rent a good porn flick and watch it together. Elvira Madigan, Body Heat, The Story of O, even Behind The Green Door is a classic no one should miss. Get Debbie Does Dallas if you can't find anything with class. Curl up in silky pj's, drape your leg over his, let your fingers absentmindedly wash gently over his chest as you watch telly.
Put off actually making love until neither one of you can stand it one more minute.
Touch everywhere but the end zone. Leave that for later.
Take a break and talk, or play a game, on the bed. Go to the kitchen and bring back his favorite snack. Naked. Or put on one of his office shirts. There is rarely anything quite that sexy in the world.
Go to sleep in each other's arms.
Wake him up in the middle of the night and make love again.
Making love is an art. I have neatly divided the men in the world down to two species: those who know how to make love and those who do not. I have been proud of my son on more than one occasion, but the time he and I talked about sex, and he explained that he made love with his wife with her pleasure as priority will remain in my heart forever. Those who pounce on the end zone immediately have absolutely no idea what foreplay is. What a shame.
If you are a guy and have no idea what I am talking about, learn, quick. If you are a guy and know exactly what I am talking about, consider yourself hugged.
If you are a woman with a man who has no idea what I am talking about, teach him! If you have a guy that loves to pleasure you, count your blessings!!
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