Start this at a very early age and NEVER reveal your secret until your child has their own.
The first time you are absolutely, beyond any doubt, positive that your child has lied, ask him to stick out his tongue. Inspect it thoroughly for a while, look the child immediately in the eye and firmly, sternly tell him that he just lied and hug him, telling him he does not need to lie. Administer appropriate punishment completely calm and with no anger.
Another time when an issue appears and you are absolutely certain your child has NOT lied, ask him to stick his tongue out, inspect it, then assure him you know he was not lying. Thank him for telling the truth and hug him.
Continue to use this ONLY if you are CERTAIN a lie has or has not taken place.
The time you are wondering if your child lied, tell him to stick out his
If he has lied, he will hesitate or refuse.
If he has not lied, the tongue will come out promptly.
When I revealed the secret to my children, it was almost as bad as the day I admitted their parents were Santa Claus.
Another thing about lying. Children lie to keep themselves out of trouble OR they don't think you will like the truth.
If you are a 'safe place' for your children, they won't lie to you.
A 'safe place' is anyone in your life that you can tell ANYTHING to without fear of repercussion, disapproval, distrust.
Explain to your children what lying and distrust does to a relationship.
They could discover this themselves somewhere down the line, but we are here to teach, and this is not inherent knowledge.
If you tell me a lie once, I will never be sure you are telling the truth from now on.
How would you feel to find out Mommy lied to you? Wouldn't that be awful?
Set up an example to tell your children.
Let's say you broke a window while you were playing ball.
If Mommy finds that window later, she's going to be really upset.
If Mommy asks you if you broke the window and you say no, and she finds out you lied, oh boy.
If Mommy asks you if you broke the window and you tell the truth, Mommy is still pretty upset.
SO, if you break a window, come to Mommy right away.
If Mommy is really busy, say, "Mommy, I have something important to tell you."
This will tell Mommy, "This is important, don't be mad, please listen."
Tell Mommy the truth and I promise not to get mad.
You will have to help me fix the window and might have to move ball playing somewhere else, but I won't get mad.
I am blessed with children that tell me the truth. Lady Luck gets a lot of credit here. I have had mother's shake their heads and call me naive, but I rest assured my children do not lie to me. I have heard them whispering together quietly, discussing how and when to tell me something I will not be happy about, and that just made me smile to myself.
I was rewarded triple fold when my daughter and three friends walked to a movie downtown together, one of the other mothers was to bring them home after dark. They all showed up, a bit late, and immediately I knew something was up. Something was not right. All the children assured me everything was fine. I held my tongue. Later, after all her friends had gone home, she came to me to tell me what had really happened. It was a story to chill a mother's heart. They had lied as a group, the one girl told the her mother I was going to pick them up and they walked home in the company of three boys from school they had run into at the movies. Nothing had happened, nothing had gone wrong, I knew the boys, BUT she had succumbed to the pressure of her friends. While she didn't participate in an actual lie, she was an accomplice. We talked on the subject for a very long time.
She did not want to be ostracized from the group by not going along with
the lie and the walk. I understood.
She knew that walking home with the boys would be safe, these were serious football players and would protect the girls to any length. I agreed, sort of.
She knew it was wrong. I agreed.
She came to me immediately after her friends had left to tell me the truth. I hugged her.
We agreed to let it drop BUT, if there was another incident of any kind, she would have to strengthen her spine and tell the girls what they were doing was wrong and not to participate.
If she could not do that, I would talk to them.
She also agreed that if they were planning something unsafe, she would come to me immediately, which did happen later.
Thanks to Jena, two girls were literally saved from a gang rape. I am personally a bit glad those two are no longer in her circle of friends.
Her friends all know I will help them, back them, talk to them as adults IF they are always truthful with me, and thankfully, they are. Being the second mommy for a half dozen teenage girls does have its drawbacks, but as my other half and I often say, we are glad they have a place to go and be safe opposed to no place!
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