Mothers are the peacemakers. Mothers are the glue.
Mothers are the heart of the family, the keepers of their families' safety, the teacher of love, wisdom, life.
After many years of a marriage gone bad, I just tired of being the peace maker, finding ways to compensate to the children for an angry, unhappy father, distracting them when he would be disagreeable, trying to make things as smooth as possible. All of my energies were spent for everyone else, I was wearing myself away as someone's mother, and "Anne" faded to a memory. My attitude became, "I am doing something else, what I need to. You do what you need to, you work it out, let me know how it comes out."
A divorce followed, and I was able to start my journey back to myself, accompanied by my daughter. We became very close, and basically happy inbetween continuing conflicts with her father and brother.
A new relationship opened up a new world for me. I had never known this kind of happiness with a gentle, kind and loving man. My daughter was friendly, but a bit distanced from him, not wanting to allow her father to drop from her life and be replaced by another man she had not known all her life. Completely normal and absolutely understandable!
What I found happening was the realization that I had completely discarded the role of peacemaker for so long that I wasn't able to instantly jump back into it, now that I discovered this role was not done after all. I had no choice. I had to again, become the glue, the peacemaker, the solution finder, the referee, the all tolerant and wise center of the family.
Actually, I did have a choice, but the mothers who take that path have family members littered on the front pages of our newspapers from one end of the nation to the other. Shiver. I willingly chose to return to the job, as I personally, am not built to do otherwise.
We may not like it, we may feel it is unfair, but then, as you will read through out my writings, "Fair is not found in nature, it was invented by women and children." To write that again, now, it sounds unfair, lol!! Who said women are the whiners?
It's simply a natural balance. Mothers are the homemakers, dads are the breadwinners. One parent is softer, one parent is the stronger disciplinarian. Even if you are a woman's libber (does that expression sound archaic!) it is hard to deny nature had a plan. Sure we can swing the balance and have Dad be the home maker and Mom work outside the home, as long as it works to accomplish what a family is designed to do. Families are designed to be a unit of many, and while they can function under other circumstances, they work best the way they were designed. Two united parents, extended family as in grand parents, and children. Families who are not fortunate enough to have this basic recipe can learn to compensate. Two women (or men) can form a partnership and raise healthy, stable children. Single parents can, too, it just incorporates an adjustment of rules, ideas, styles, or influences.
Mothers don't always have to be women, either. Dads can become mothers, nurturers, and the glue!
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