I am searching as I have most my life for others who believe as I do, others to connect to, an on going journey that has been a delight and a frustration. Maybe it is a need for reconfirmation that occurs in our lives as we reach an age when we become intensely aware of our own mortality. In either case, I have yet to find a group or even a title for my beliefs. Perhaps my beliefs are a combination that has yet to be categorized.
A bit o' history:
From a very early age I discovered I saw and knew things that others did not. I was punished for telling tales and I am sure my mother contemplated taking me to a child psychiatrist at one point. I learned to stay silent.
I was raised without any formal religion except a touch of Protestant church which I fought wholeheartedly. I was not able to accept the concept of an old man in the clouds with a white beard, dressed in white sitting in a huge chair, surrounded by angels, checking his list of names, watching over the earth. Nah.......
Next, I became involved in witchcraft and a coven. While this fed some of my need to belong to a group of people like me as well as some of the ritual mediations, I soon discovered there was a dark side that was not only very real, it was very evil. I tried to convince myself I was a "white witch" but I truly, in my heart, believe this can not exist. However, if there is an active force that balances evil, what might that be called? The expression, "The devil exists to keep the church in business" made perfect sense to me.
I left the craft, or what was left of it, willingly, when I was married my husband who actively protested my activities and beliefs. I touched the Wiccans from time to time, but the pentagram made me uncomfortable while their ties to the earth kept pulling me back.
Years later, a long string of events led me inside a church, something that I had purposely avoided for many, many years. There, I was welcomed home, loudly and clearly. This occurred after a few years of studying the bible and history together in an attempt to ascertain whether biblical events could indeed be fact. I was still having trouble with one almighty, opposed to the belief that the church is just one huge, successful sham.
While I accepted the bible in general, the concept of reaching God only through His son, and the Holy Trinity was then and continues to be beyond my grasp. There is a stand that you have to accept all the bible or none of the bible, and I can easily see the logic and bearing in this. I tried many churches but never have found one I felt was home, and while I can appreciate the need for repeated and regular exposure to those like yourself, I did not respond well to Sunday worship, preferring to celebrate my beliefs what ever day or time I wished to. The bible can direct you in the ways of your own spirit, behaviour towards others and honourable thoughts. I have not located, yet, any lengthy directions for the care and feeding of the earth or nature, and I needed more of an earth spirituality than the bible provided. Being the nature freak I am, I certainly can educate myself in these ways and honor the words of the bible, but there has always been something lacking. A reverence, a tribute, activities honouring and centering our place within the wide range of forces at work in our world, our universe, karma.
I touched the world of the Wiccans again once my daughter expressed an interest in learning more about our unusual past times and family history. I realized she thought that this was a glamorous thing, and that other "Wiccans" at her school (who cast negative or possessive spells in more of a witchcraft fashion) were truly the cause of her sudden keen.
When I started to research my genealogy I was astounded by what I encountered. Followed my family lines back to the Celts, I passed by sixteenth century women who would have certainly been burned at the stake had they been present at the right time and place. I am a strong believer in inheriting family traits, and perhaps this would explain what I have experienced all my life, and now see my daughter developing.
The strongest ability would be the "getting" or "knowing" both of us witness continually. It incorporates the past, the present, and the future. While I am able to heal, this pales in comparison to my daughter's ability. She does not yet experience those who have passed from this life as I do.
So. Where do I belong?
Witchcraft has too many connotations to the devil, whether he exists or not. From my years involved in Witchcraft, it opens a field of power I truly do not ever want to experience again.
Wicca, not being an old craft, seems to have been built from a variety of beliefs and includes too many activities too close to witchcraft for me to be comfortable. Yet, because of the active connection to the spirit world, this may be closest to my beliefs, despite being labeled pagans.
Druidry? So little is known about the true original Druid practices that I suspect today's groves might have integrated many modern concepts. Their beliefs are centered on harmony with the world at large and mother earth and ancient traditions. I am told that Druidry is more a way of life than a religion, which truly suits my needs as my religious beliefs will most likely remain of a Christian nature. Whether the Druids practiced magic/magick is not certain at this point in my research, nor whether they lived comfortably among their ancestors in the Otherworld.
Can I believe in one God almighty, karma and pagan simplicity at the same time? If I am thinking of adopting Druidry into my life, I can celebrate my God and all that He has brought into our lives, the moon, the trees, the animals, all the wondrous nature about us. I would laugh to ring bells, and I make no offering besides my own work and the caring of my little space in the world in the best manner I am able. I do honour my world, my life, my God and all the spirits that have gone before us any day, any hour I feel the need. My prayers are directed towards that one higher power, the heavens and spirit world, where ever, what ever that might be. My comfort comes in the knowledge that I am faithful as I can be to what I feel is my God and to the path set before me.
I am not looking for the glamour that too often accompanies a cult. My primary concerns are truth, soul and spirit nourishment, knowledge and life long learning, care of the earth and all creatures within it, developing karma, and extending as much goodness, positive influences and light as far as possible, and the wondrous friendships of those who walk the same path..
I think there is one God, one creator of our world, one almighty power. I believe that all religions since the beginning of time celebrate or worship the same God, the same power, the same maker. The Celts and Druids, the Indians, the Hindus, the Buddhists, the Muslims, we all look for guidance and love from the same entity. Our translations of this entity is what differs, as well as our man-made rules and guidelines. Regardless of the denomination, a God not only keeps us accountable, a presence gives us comfort and purpose, whether He exists, or not.
There truly may be additional entities that might be referred to as Gods and Goddesses, angels, or arch angels. Perhaps they are more of an 'under god'. A specific evil entity might very well exist, or the stories have been written to give shape in which we can identify. Real evil does exist. "The Devil was invented to keep the church in business" used to make me laugh, and now it makes me gulp. Perhaps it is simply the balance of life, all of us born with a sense of good and evil, leaving each of with the task of determining which path we will follow, which influences we allow in our lives.
Regardless of your beliefs, I do not believe anyone with real truth and honesty in their hearts can argue that there are universal guidelines of honour and righteousness that can be found in any denomination. Harm none, Thou shall not commit mayhem, Blessed Be. Responsibility for one's heart lies only within the individual, although it would seem quite logical and clear that it is the duty of those within the realm of goodness to try and influence those who would do harm, where ever and when ever possible.
David and I started attending a local church a few years ago. When we contemplated finding a church, I immediately thought of where I had taken the children once, with a pastor whose sermon struck deep into my heart. His current lecture series was regarding the Ten Commandments, and was anything but boring. He cheerfully pointed out in his animated style that, "Thou shall not lie" wasn't restricted or limited to a verbal untruth. It included, "The check is in the mail," along with unspoken deceptions in the heart. Fortunately, not only was that church still progressing, the pastor was still there with the same attitude of teaching, light and understanding.
I believe in one God, one creator, all powerful, who was responsible, in some manner or another for the world we see, the universe, and all life of every kind, He is responsible for the science that started this planet. I believe this God is something or someone I canna begin to imagine, understand, or comprehend, so I must, with all my faith, trust that He is there, and that if I meant to meet Him one day, I will. I believe that all gods, in every religion, are one in the same.
I believe in true evil, but the jury is still out to lunch in regards to a form called the Devil. Since I believe the Bible was devine, I believe there is a nasty angel that may be responsible for evil. Lots to debate here. I believe each and every one of us are capable of true, vile acts, but other factors in our being have either opened to this or shut it off completely. I am beginning to believe that some people have an actual, physical wiring short that permits them to commit acts unspeakable to others.
I believe that Jesus was the son of God, that he was man and he was divine. I believe that God sent Jesus to earth to instruct us. I do not believe God IS Jesus, or vice versa or Jesus would not have spoken and prayed to his father throughout his life. I believe because they are of the same 'flesh' and that the 'Holy Spirit' does speak to us, that they can be considered three and one, all at the same time. I have a bit of trouble with talking to Jesus over talking to God, I rather like talking to everyone all at once. I have a tiny bit of trouble believing that heaven is only open to those who believe in Jesus, but it is clear to me that Jesus did die for us, thusly creating the forgiveness we receive with His grace. Grace, by the way, means to receive something we did not earn, a free gift. I truly believe, with all my heart, if I follow what I believe to be God's word (which includes Jesus and the grace of Jesus' gift, God's giving his only son) to the best of my ability, and to be the best person I can possibly be in every way, that I will find my way to what ever after life and heaven there is, no matter what I think might be there, waiting, or not.
I strongly believe in the power of prayer. I have enough proof in past prayer and incredible, borderline, miraculous results that there can never be a doubt for me that prayers are answered. Who answers those prayers can have an interesting twist on it. One theory is that God, obviously, is granting those wishes, how some ever He is choosing to do so. His will, His time. There is another theory that has real weight for me. God created us, sat back and watched us as we exercise our free will. When we get too rowdy and disobedient, He will flood something and/or let us know we are really blowing it. He watched as I prayed for something, knowing that my energy, my ability to work and manipulate my own world, my very strong will and determination to survive, my drive to be the best soul I can be, would bring me what I had prayed for.
I believe in fate, as well as our own choices. I believe God created us but let us do our own thing, be it against or for His will. If I am meant to meet a good friend, and have asked to find one, I believe I am invoking the winds of karma and fate, which were created by God, to flow into my life. I believe in many forces, such as nature or karma or the power of intention, all created by God, that affect our lives daily.
I believe we are all accountable, perhaps before a set of pearly gates, for all our actions, for what we learned, how we progressed and grew, what we contributed to the world, and what we left behind on earth. I believe all people have good qualities, but I cannot be responsible for those who do not want to live by them, nor can I change all those who enter my life to neglect any negative mannerisms and abide by what I think is correct, regardless of who agrees with me and act as I do. I have a responsibility to myself to surround myself with good influences and remove myself from those who would do harm, wittingly or otherwise. I believe that my beliefs are correct for me, at this time, and will change as they are meant to. I am responsible to decide which sanctions or rules are applicable in my life, as well as abiding by them. I am also responsible, through out my life, to re-examine these premises, and adjust them as life unfolds and my knowledge grows and matures. I am equally responsible for my choices, good and bad, that brought me to where I am today.
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